Rusty

yeah same here, when i found them I thought the same thing, that i had never heard most of those jokes.

Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.

Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dumb Michigan Laws

A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.

It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.

You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.

Clawson

There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

Detroit

Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.

It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.

Alligators may not be tied to fire hydrants.

It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from "rooting" in the ground for their food.

Grand Haven

No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.

Harper Woods

It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.

Kalamazoo

It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

Rochester

All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.

Soo

Smoking while in bed is illegal.

Wayland

Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.

Taken from http://www.ahajokes.com/michigan_jokes.html

Dumb North Carolina Laws

It's against the law to sing off key.

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.

Taken from http://www.ahajokes.com/north_carolina_jokes.html

2000 Federal Census for North Carolina

Last name: ________________

First name: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Billy-Bob

(_) Billy-Joe

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue

(_) Billy-Mae

(_) Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?

(_) Booger

(_) Bubba

(_) Junior

(_) Sissy

(_) Other___________________

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex:

____ M

_____ F

_____ Not sure

Shoe Size:

____ Left

____ Right

Occupation: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Farmer

(_) Mechanic

(_) Hair Dresser

(_) Unemployed

(_) Dirty Politician

(_) Preacher

Spouse's Name:_________________________

2nd Spouse's Name:_____________________

3rd Spouse's Name:_____________________

Lover's Name:__________________________

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Sister

(_) Brother

(_) Aunt

(_) Uncle

(_) Cousin

(_) Mother

(_) Father

(_) Son

(_) Daughter

(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: _____

Number of children living in shed: ______

Number that are yours: ______

Mother's Name: _______________________

(If not sure, leave blank)

Father's Name: _______________________

(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4

(Circle highest grade completed)

Do you

(_) own or

(_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Total number of vehicles you own: ___

Number of vehicles that still crank: ___

Number of vehicles in front yard: ___

Number of vehicles in back yard: ___

Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: 196___

Do you have a gun rack?

(_) Yes

(_) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) The National Enquirer

(_) The Globe

(_) TV Guide

(_) Soap Opera Digest

(_) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____

Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____

Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

How often do you bathe:

(_) Weekly

(_) Monthly

(_) Not Applicable

Color of eyes:

Left______

Right_____

Color of hair:

(_) Blond

(_) Black

(_) Red

(_) Brown

(_) White

(_) Clairol

Color of teeth:

(_) Yellow

(_) Brownish-Yellow

(_) Brown

(_) Black

(_) N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?

(_) 1 mile

(_) 2 miles

(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler

(_) road?

Taken from http://www.ahajokes.com/north_carolina_jokes.html

Well bank didnt seem overly willing or overly denying so if they cant personally accept the loan then they'll see if sba will approve so im still praying that i can get it.

Well today is the day im going to go talk to the bank about getting an SBA Loan to startup my Asphalt Sealcoating Business so I know how well prayer works in this group so instead of praying everyone just wish me luck and maybe it will work just the same .

Hope everyone has a happy and relaxing day with their family's or whoever they spend it with today.

Happy Easter everyone I hope everyone has a very happy day with their family's and enjoy some good meals.

FELIZ NAVIDAD oops wrong holiday in that case

YPPAH YADHTRIB

Sounds like all of us are gonna have a good time.

I received this email from my brother who got it from a franchisee of Domino's pizza.

I am just passing this along. I think it will work. A pretty simple plan to take the power back. I'm in. Read on... Subject: GAS WAR! Join the resistance!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the summer. Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read it and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.05 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't whimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!! I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am ... so trust me on this one.) How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you I didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK. OR YOU CAN DO NOTHING AND BE PAYING $3.00 A GALLON IN THE NEXT 6 MONTHS. Thanks for doing your part!

ohh boy look what I started

aye Im already planning on transfering most of my atlantic characters and especially their items. Ill have a 100% LRC Suit Medable, 844 Luck Suit and a bunch of great stuff.

Im not sure but i figure since so many diverse people play this game and are part of this family i might as well ask. If anyone is involved in banking or financing or know anyone that is I need help with a small business loan. Me and my roommate are trying to start our own Asphalt Sealcoating franchise and are trying to get a loan of 50k dollars if anyone has any suggestions or advice I would appreciate it.

I need a decent macing weapon, if it helps this will be used for gauntlet runs so it probably need to be very decent

Alright, just bought my tickets so im all set for a good time.

yeah im probably just gonna sleep in my room at my parents house so im closer to the bridge.

I am waiting for my last payment to go through on my credit card so that I can purchase my plane ticket and then im all set to fly. So lets just have a show of hands of people who will all be down there including those of you who are locals.

I need 2 bod books is anyone out there able to make them?

Im down I am 19 so im allowed in the casino and I can drink havent been there since my birthday actually

Ill be trying my best to make it down. Flight is only like $230 and i would leave thursday and come back sunday so i dont have to miss any school so unless something terrible happens ill prob be hitching a ride with hudson and Kaatya.

Might be able to drive in for this one, the 19th of october is my birthday also so that could be fun.

I might be able to make this one as I live near Detroit Michigan so im near the bridge.

When is everyone going down I am trying to decide if i can get down there but i need to know the specific dates so I can decide if im going to drive or fly.

Well I got my paper done, went to bathroom to shave and shower. looked at myself in the mirror and i look like a zombie. Hopefully I will get through to my exam at 7:30 tonight.