Jadeynn Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Darkness falls it caresses my skin its Ebon fingers reaching within deeper it plunges seeking its goal fingers entwine to grasp my soul firmly it clutches it begins to recede extracting my spirit my heart starts to bleed an icy chill runs down my spine I mourn for that which once was mine my body now a hollow shell leaving me trapped in a dying hell ~jadeynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syban Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 I come home busted up and tired... decided to give the forums a look see and I read this. Thank you Jadeynn for giving my weary soul a wonderful breather. Thank you very much for sharing this it is a blessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadeynn Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 I come home busted up and tired... decided to give the forums a look see and I read this.Thank you Jadeynn for giving my weary soul a wonderful breather. Thank you very much for sharing this it is a blessing. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> awww thank you Syban. Leave it to you to make me feel good. *hugs* After giving it much thought I had actually come here to erase it......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narbis Kentrol Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 indeed it is good if i may, i would suggest only one thing: I mourn for thatwhich was once mine i would make the second line read "which once was mine", as it fits the structure and rhyme scheme a bit more smoothly but it's your poem, if you think it fits as is, leave it be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martok Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 WOW! Jadeynn is a poet, and I didn't even know it! Nice! Perhaps some more in the future!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadeynn Posted July 2, 2005 Author Share Posted July 2, 2005 indeed it is good if i may, i would suggest only one thing: I mourn for thatwhich was once mine i would make the second line read "which once was mine", as it fits the structure and rhyme scheme a bit more smoothly but it's your poem, if you think it fits as is, leave it be <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually.. so funny you say that, because that is how I orginally wrote it. that one and the line before it I played with so many times. just was not satisfied with how it rolled. but I agree, changing it now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narbis Kentrol Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 i do a bit of poetry miself. my current project... actually i'm not quite decided on i had started writing a novel, then got sidetracked. now i'm thinking i might go for a book of poetry.... but that's a lot of danged poetry... and i don't write poems that quick My writing portfolio... or parts of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucian Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 very nice mi'lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadeynn Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 Thank you sweetie *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narbis Kentrol Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Jadeynn. anything you got I'd love to put up for public display I'm working on finding and posting appropriate copyright information on my forums, but you and anybody else around here are quite welcome to come join me www.randomocity.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadeynn Posted August 15, 2005 Author Share Posted August 15, 2005 hehe thanks Narbis, but I really don't have any writing talent. that poem, and I know not that well written, was a rare occurance. For some odd reason just had the need to write it, and that's what I came up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadeynn Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 Narbis, do you still lurk around here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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