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Goblin squads


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Things have changed.

Just a little while ago, I was almost on top of the world. I got this close to unseating that mercenary jerk, Gallywix. Now I'm fighting night-elves enraged by his strip-mining policies and mourning goblins turned to stone or otherwise lost to his and his minions typical lack of concern fro productivity-enhancing safety measures. Now I'm not some moron trying to talk about "the morality of exploitation" or some other such nonsense, I'm as concerned about the bottom line as the next goblin. But the best guarantee of massive profits is in long-term productivity. Any goblin can and has made a quick macaroon off a new idea or opportunity (as that ###### Gallywix did when he offered passage off Kezan and then tried to sell us all into slavery) but if you want to keep making those macaroons, a goblin's got to think long-term. You can cut costs and increase production for a while by ignoring safety concerns, but you'll be increasing your recruitment and retraining costs at the same time, not to mention all the lost profits from inactivity. You keep your workers (mostly) safe and you won't have to constantly be spending coins to find new ones and make sure they know what the hell they're doing. You will also develop a loyal team, all trying to come up with new ideas to make money (as opposed to ideas that can keep them alive in a basilisk-filled environment) which you can then farm for your own advantage. And if you agree to support implementation of their ideas and share revenue (scary idea I know, it made me shiver when I first thought of it), many of 'em will stay with you and keep coming up with more exploitable ideas. *goosebumps* It's a never-ending stream of shinies!

That's how I got so close to taking over Bilgewater before. Now circumstances ahve stuck us with the Horde, but it seems that boar-for-brains "Warchief" of theirs is just like ol' Gallywix. All "now" and no "future." And we're losing potential money-making goblins left and right. We gotta stop this, but we're refugees. We're at the mercy of Fathead and Fatheader right now. I gotta think of a way out this bind.


Edited by Scryll
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I think I've got it. It's not pretty, and it's even kind of dangerous, but it will save some goblins, create a revenue stream, secure resources, and maybe even give us a lever on Boars-for-Brains. We're going to fight! All these other groups are fighting, and they're not going to stop. And really, do we even want them to? Wars mean money. I just don't like them including us. We need to drive these elves and naga back, and any friends they have as well. The elves may be future trade-partners and all, but we'll be happier if they keep their distance, that obsession of theirs with uncut lumber is a bit pervy and it definitely gets in a profit-minded girl's way. Since we can't trust Fathead to do it and leave anyone on either side alive, we'll need to create units ourselves, like Uncle Bedlam did with the Bilgewater Battalion, and then sell those services to the Horde! Even Fathead understands that we can bring the boom, and how useful a little "fwoosh" is. We'll be fighting to secure territory and resources for the Horde, which means for us, and if we have crack squads who know how to ambush and blow the enemy up, with our specialists controlling the new Horde war enginges, etc, and this "Warchief" wants to press us, or engage in unprofitable policies, well. . .

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  • 4 weeks later...

It looks like I need to put my mouth where my money is. There are plenty of capable goblins but they're all acting independently. We need more of them working as a unit. I'm going to need to abandon this jeweler's business I started and help out.

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You know, I've missed this. Not the fighting, no. I don't shy from violence, but I'm a slinky-dress kind of gal. But this is like that first job I had, trying to help goblins burnt out on Kaja-cola. It felt good to be helping others. I like doing it. It just made me feel alive to rush about, doing things like blowing up that mountain of empty cola bottles (and after the fumes settled over that residential complex, everyone inside instantly burnt out, giving me even more people to help), or that decrepit old wino who was so invigorated by my determination to keep him away from a bottle (I used a fireblast for aversion therapy) that he decided to jump into the ocean for a brisk constitutional swim. I never heard of anyone seeing him beg for cola or complaining of his vagrantism after that. Too bad that beach closed shortly after, from all the shark sightings. I had to find a new motivational setting.

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  • 2 months later...

I gotta say, this is not what a girl is used to. I was having massive parties thrown in my honor, driving around Kezan in a luxury vehicle, on top of the world; (ok, so I wasn't literally on top of the world. Yes, I know that's Icecrown, give a lady a break, it's a figure of speech) now I'm in a semi-mercenary band. I'm not even the leader. I don't know small-unit tactics. I'm following the orders of a goblin shaman named Wurgle.

We've been in half the Horde's hot-spots, at this point. We made ourselves known locally first, of course. Fighting in that forest abutting our new home, Ashbale something or other. Hey, do I look like a detail goblin? Anyway, we killed a lot of elves and their new Worgen pals there, helping the orcs of the Warsong Clan. Kinda aggravated about that to be honest. They're like the personal guard of Fathead or something (I told you, I'm not a detail goblin. Details are for hobgoblins' small minds) and I harbor him no good-will, but he is the Warchief, the man to impress, even if he does have boars where a goblin keeps their brains.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Aspendale. So we became quietly known in the right triangles for fighting in a bunch of those small box canyons and gulches against Alliance who were dead-set on keeping us from building low-budget housing units and selling them at prices which would make that Pilton skank scream, by denying us the resources we need for all the poor dispossessed goblins of Kezan. Eventually we got a contract-nibble to help some of the undead out in Arathi. Seems they and the humand have been skirmishing around and in this one town for years. Personally I would have let that smithy burn, built a new one, and let both sides use it for double standard prices, but we were told to make nice with the corpse-heads. We dealt with that situation, (for a while. I bet conditions went to pot as soon as we left, because the Forsaken wanted to protect their fungus farm or something. Don't ask me why they farm fungus when they're ddea) stooged around in the Alterac mountains for a bit, getting some dwarf-fighting experience, (an Alliance faction that understands the plentiful uses of abundant explosives. Scary) and now we're stationed in Outland.

Other than some fighting up north (where I found the best real estate opportunity. Let me tell you, you've gotta get in on this now, before the units fall off the market. Views which are out of this world, at prices which are nothing but a steal) it's pretty quiet. A backwater for both sides really, right now. They sent us here for garrison work, so we could get a rest and do some refitting. I hear we're heading back to that forest, Alfalfa-and-Kale, pretty soon. We'll have to deal with more furries, no doubt. The worgen and their druid allies. I don't know whether to be more afraid that they'll bite me or try to hump my leg. Makes me miss fighting the dwarves. I gotta go, someone was trying to lure "sand gnomes" and now a giant crust-burster is tearing up the middle of the camp.

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